SF is never too far away...

The amigos have the SF factor down to a science. We even have a formal society; ROOSF. "Royal Order Of Stupid Fucks."

There are two kinds of SF situations. Ones that you intentionally create, such as deciding to ride a bike on a lake at night when the wind chill is -35 degrees. And then there are the happenstance kind; where you make a decision or forget to do something and you create your own "SF moment". An example of the former is wearing your big old boots and not tying the laces, letting them dangle on the ground, tripping on them and breaking a rib as a result of not tying your fucking shoes.

An example of the latter, a forgetful SF moment, I experienced this week. This past Wednesday was balmy by recent standards, 25 degrees. I decided to fire up the gas grill and cook some chicken. My grill has 3 burners, and I turned on 2 of them. The chicken cooked up just fine and a good time was had by all. Two days later, I'm letting Charlie out and I notice the grill's thermometer was reading 125 degrees. WTF, I said to myself. I then looked at the burner controls and sure enough, I left one of them on. For 48 hours. It was on low, but, still. SF!

The 200K is for those that are either naive or insane or both...you really don't know what your in for---- Greg Vogel

The statement above in the title was written by Greg Vogel, a cyclist that has done the Horribly Hilly Hundreds bike ride. This is the latest adventure that the amigos and amigo wannabes are going to undertake this summer. I've ridden with Greg once, and he is a long distance rider whom I have a lot of respect for. Anyone who rides his bike to Duluth, competes in Grandma's Marathon the next day, then pedals home the day after that is a pretty serious distance rider. Or, a serious SF. Regardless, for him to make the comment he did about the HHH, makes me wonder, WTF did we get ourselves into now??

Colonoscopy 101

Well, the big day arrived. I had the colonoscopy scheduled to happen 6 months ago, but then I got the blood clot and due to the medication I took for that I got a reprieve until today. My biggest concern was not the procedure itself, it was the "prepping" I had in store the day before. My instructions were not to eat ANYTHING at all on Sunday. At 12 noon, I was to take 4 "Dulcolax" tablets. At 4 PM, I was to start consuming "Go-lytely." I ate as much as I could on Saturday night. We went with another couple to Buena Sera in Champlin for a great Italian dinner. I even ate a bowl of cereal when I got home to be sure I was stuffed, and I was.

Woke up early Sunday, let the dog out, and came back to bed. Sunday is usually a pretty good workout day, but I didn't want to work out and not be able to eat afterwards. I fell back asleep until 9:00. Got up, read the paper, then went out shopping when I saw the price had dropped on a 32" HD TV I've had my eyes on for the bedroom. I took the four Dulcolax tablets, which are stool softeners. The minimum you can buy is 25. If any of you have a need for some of these tablets, let me know. I have 21 left.

Got the new TV and hooked it up, beautiful! Our other TV was so old, you could not hook up a DVD player to it, it had no jacks in the back! Anyway, it's now 3:00. One hour away from Go-lytely happy time. I decided to "eat." The instructions said I could not eat anything after midnight on Saturday, except clear liquids. I had some home made chicken broth, and I "ate" 8 ounces. Big whoop, but at least I had something with flavor in my belly. Finally, 4:00 came around. Go-lytely is an Rx you receive; it is a 4 liter jug with powder in it. You fill up the jug with water and shake to mix. The nurse told me you can put Crystal Light in it for flavor, which I did. The deal is this: you are to drink an 8 oz glass every 15 minutes until you have consumed all 4 liters. I had my first glass. It tasted like a poorly made alcoholic drink. Tolerable, but if you had paid for it, you would have sent it back.
I had one, then another, and another, until a little after 5, the first "butt blast" came. Ewwww. Well, once you start, you just keep on rocking. When your body says it's time to go, you don't waste time getting to the throne. I was mildly upset with Diane because she had put the toilet seat down at one point. That extra few seconds to raise it back up almost caused a problem! The goal is to get to a "clear liquid" state. That is not a problem. I was clear after about 1 hour! The problem is, it took me 3 1/2 hours to finish the 4 liters, and I was faithfully drinking 8 oz every 15 minutes. Fortunatley, when I was done with the jug, I only had 3 more trips to the throne, the last one at 2 AM. Otherwise, I slept fine and did not have any accidents. I weighed myself before I started the Go-lytely, 191.6 lbs; this morning I was 186.7. 5 lbs of crap! I also went through a roll and a half of TP.

Monday morning we were at the clinic at 6:30. The doc didn't get me into the room until 7:30. I was done in 15 minutes. They gave me a relaxing drug, but I was totally awake and watched the whole procedure on a screen. Pretty interesting, actually. They didn't find any polyps, which is good, and the doc said to come back in 10 years! I'm thinking of food at this point. We went to 3 Squares restaurant and I ordered a full bacon, eggs, and hash brown breakfast; plus a stack of oatmeal flap jacks on the side, which I washed down with 2 mugs of coffee.

To sum it up, the day before is a waste, because you can't do anything, at least after you start drinking the Go-lytely. I thought I would get a headache from not eating, but I didn't. The food commercials on TV get a little annoying because you are hungry! The procedure is a breeze. I was told by several people to get knocked out for it, but, they don't want to put you completely under and I saw no need to do so. They put air into your colon to make it easier to see with the endoscope. That's the most discomfort I had. The nurse told me to "toot it out naturally" afterwards. So I did.

PS-Sorry, no pictures.

Irish jokes, and yes, I am Irish

Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he'd just been run over by a train.
His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut and bruised and he's walking with a limp
" What happened to you?" asks Sean, the bartender.
" Jamie O'Conner and me had a fight," says Paddy.
" That little runt, O'Conner," says Sean,
"He couldn't do that to you, he must have had something in his hand."
" That he did," says Paddy, "a shovel is what he had, and a terrible lickin' he gave me with it."
" Well," says Sean, "you should have defended yourself, didn't you have something in your hand?"
That I did," said Paddy.
"Mrs. O'Conner's breast, and a thing of beauty it was, but useless in a fight."

***************************************************** ********* *****
An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road.
A cop pulls him over.
" So," says the cop to the driver, where have ya been?"
" Why, I've been to the pub of course," slurs the drunk.
" Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few to drink this evening."
"I did all right," the drunk says with a smile.
" Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms across his chest, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?"
" Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk.
" For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."
*************************************************************************************
Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door.
"Brenda, may I come in?" he asks.
"I've somethin' to tell ya".
" Of course you can come in, you're always welcome, Tim. But where's my husband?"
" That's what I'm here to be telling ya, Brenda." There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery..."
" Oh, God no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me."
I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry.
Finally, she looked up at Tim. "How did it happen, Tim?"
" It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout and drowned."
" Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me truth, Tim. Did he at least go quickly?"
"Well, Brenda... no. In fact, he got out three times to pee."
*************************************************************************************
Mary Clancy goes up to Father O' Grady after his Sunday morning service, and she's in tears.
He says, "So what's bothering you, Mary my dear?"
She says, "O h, Father, I've got terrible news.
My husband passed away last night."
The priest says, "Oh, Mary, that's terrible.
Tell me, Mary, did he have any last requests?"
She says, "That he did, Father."
The priest says, "What did he ask, Mary? "
She says, He said, 'Please Mary, put down that damn gun...'

It's gone!

This bike was chained up in front of MG Lifetime Fitness for at least 2 months. I finally took a photo of it, with a clever story line dancing in my head. Something on the order of: "Somebody shoot this fucking bike and put it out of it's misery!"

But, I noticed yesterday that it's gone. So much for that inspiration.

See Bill, it's not easy writing these things. You can only do it when the creative juices are flowing. Or at least the beer.

Already blew my New Year's Eve resolution...

I had full intentions of drinking Heineken Light beer on New Year's Eve. Then I went to Costco and saw this beauty for $15.99! That's a full 20% cheaper then anywhere else I've seen it. FWK just loves a bargain! 5 full liters of Dutch beer. That 2 hour spin class on New Year's Day may be a little rougher then I thought.

Tis the season to....?

I just don't know what to think this time of the year. Christmas is here. I was in the Christmas spirit a couple weeks ago. Diane and I attended "A Christmas Carol" at the Guthrie. We go to it every few years, I always leave feeling in the Christmas spirit. The following week, on a Sunday, I had to work. Coming home, Diane told me our Christmas tree, which really looked beautiful this year had fallen into the window! Not tipped completely over she said, I figured the stand needed adjusting. I got home and looked at it, and the bottom of the tree had become water logged and twisted in the stand. We tried to get it right, but to no avail. Finally, with much cursing, I decided we had to completly un-decorate the tree and re-cut the stump. And we did. Both of us had all kinds of work planned to do that day (and watch the Vikings). We spent over 2 hours taking the tree down, cutting and trimming the branches out on the deck. We made a complete mess on our new carpeting, and my arms and hands were full of sap. (note: glycerin based mechanic's hand cleaners take the sap off!) Both of us were so frustrated. We got the tree back in the stand, but we both realized something was lost. It was like all of our planning for Christmas, instead of being joyful, became a pain in the ass. We didn't even re-decorate the tree till the following Friday. Neither of us had time. This Christmas Eve, for only the 2nd time in nearly 30 years, I will not be at my in-laws. I have to work at 2 AM on the 25th, so, WTF.

This time of the year is always tough on us fair weather folk. I enjoy spinning and even running the track, but, it doesn't allow the freedom of being outdoors on the bike. We amigos, with all the common love we have in summer head different directions in the winter to get the fix we need. I get into cooking. Bill, as much as we give him SF crap, loves the cold and being out in it. Bob becomes an uber XC skier. Matt, well, he's just short. I have to say, the best thing I've done this year is to go to Jody's total conditioning class. It got me out of the box, as they say. I have noticed an increase in stamina. My New Year's resolution is to attend the class all summer too.

The photo above is of Elvis's Beach Bar in Anguilla. The latest issue of Carribean Travel & Life featured Anguilla. There were pictures of several places and people we know, including Elvis's. This helped get me in better spirits!

So, my thoughts are now turning towards Anguilla. In two months we will take off for 2 weeks of no socks. Arriving on the island takes a little decompression. 5 hours on a plane to get to St Maarten. Luggage that always takes forever to get at the St Maarten airport. Going through customs in 2 countries in less then 2 hours. Taking the ferry or private boat across from St. Maarten, having that first Heineken once you land. You are so busy the first few hours. And once you get to the Pumphouse, greeting and hugging all the friends you haven't seen in a year. The adrenaline is unbelievable. The first night is dangerous, because adrenaline LOVES alcohol! The next day is Sunday, which is a big party day on the island. Lasy year we did something different, we went to Elvis's. We ran into Rollins, who is pictured above with Diane. We've known him from our first trip to Anguilla 11 years ago. He's a great guy. We just relaxed for a few hours with him before we went back to the beach by our place and joined the party.
We plan on doing it again this year. There is also a Sunday jazz thing at another bar just down the beach from Elvis.
The link below is to a Youtube video filmed mostly in Anguilla. A lot of the scenes are from Elvis's. Click on the "high quality" option below the video window and then click on full screen to see it at it's best.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oP-2EIPNkZI